I'm jealous of your bromance
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize