Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
