my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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