East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
