My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
