i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
