When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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