I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
