just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize