I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
