So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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