the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
