i already hear my dad disowning me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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