Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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