I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
