Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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