I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
