Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
