My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
