This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
