she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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