You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i barfeds in our rink
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
