You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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