mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone signed my nipple.
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