6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
