I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
