Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
