I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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