Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
