Your tits are I can't wait for
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
