So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The adults are the big ones right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
