Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
did i just pee glitter
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