so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
