Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have fence marks all over my body
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
