I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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