I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
