HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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