Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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