Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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