Swine flu. Run for my life!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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