dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
