whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
