dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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