So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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