I just pynch a tree in the face
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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