you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
