you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
She even gives head with a lisp.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
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And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"