I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.