dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.