you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.