Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
