I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
