if you like me you must not know who I am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
