U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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