I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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