this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
