So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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