Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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