Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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