Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
