help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
