Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
