i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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