I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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