one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
