no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
