Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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