Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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