ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
