It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he puts the penis in happiness.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
