sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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