1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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