I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
