Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
