i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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