i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
