I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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