I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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