I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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