get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
