Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
