talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
