Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
