She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
