look no pants
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
