I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
