Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
