I think my vagina is haunted
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
