first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
