Nicole vs. Life
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
